In a blog far far away, I once wrote a blog post about Russia.
I think it went rather well, actually. Anyway, last night, some of the roomies got together and watched 2/3 of Anastasia and it inspired me to do another one!
So for that one person who has actually read both blogs, (Dad) I am sorry for making you read 2 posts on Russia. I can’t help it though, they are just so fricking weird…
ANYWAY, let the Russian-oddities COMMENCE.
Russian-oddity #1 – RASPUTIN.
Now, Rasputin was one Bad-Ass-Mother-Fucker. (Pardon the language, but some people just warrant it.) Rasputin wasn’t just a really good/horrible Boney M song from the 1970s, he was a super-crazy Russian healer. So, before the Romanovs were all chucked out of the Winter Palace by Lenin and his gang, they kinda ran the Russian empire. Anyway, these royals liked the incest, so much so, that most of them had hemophilia (the weird blood disease where your blood doesn’t clot, because your mom was actually your dads cousin…) and such was the case for the Royal son. So Empress Alexandra hired Rasputin, who she had heard NOTHING but good things about, to cure her son. And you know what? The crazy sonabitch kinda did. Alexandra, needless to say, was quite pleased with this and started giving Rasputin a crap-ton of powers and stuff (not like magic powers, but political ones… although some people said that Rasputin did actually have magic powers. Just sayin’) and the Russian people were not too keen on a guy that very much resembled a syphilis-addled homeless man having a whole lot of political powers. So they tried to kill him.
Here comes the fun stuff. This badass just would NOT die. Seriously, boy was poisoned on several occasions, he was shot, stabbed, strangled, beaten, shot again and then finally drowned after stumbling into a river after being stabbed and shot and all that jazz.
Also, the Russians may or may not have kept Rasputin’s penis in a jar…
Russian-oddity #2 -Lenin’s take-over of the Winter Palace.
So the February Revolution in all the history books it talks about the triumphant proletariat rising up and overthrowing the horrible Tsarist regime. Well, the commies were not quite as brave as they would like you to think. When the commies started their whole we’re-going-to-take-over-Russia thing, they didn’t have a super great plan. So they just went for it. They start laying siege to St. Petersburg (where the Romanov Winter Palace was) and everyone was actually pretty okay with it. When they got to the Winter Palace, (the Romanovs weren’t there, but the government officials were) they started in on the whole attacking-thing. It kind of worked, but only in that the Imperial army was a little bit on strike because they weren’t being fed by the officials, so they pretty well just peaced to go find food. Leaving a whole bunch of teenagers and women to guard the government. ANYWAY the commies started firing a couple canons at the Palace, which sort of worked. They miss-fired and ended up shooting 2 cannons into the river, but the bang was so loud that it broke a few windows in the Palace, which naturally scared off the teenagers and women.
So the commies literally just walked into the Palace, placed the government officials under arrest, and then, (because they REALLY hadn’t thought this through) had to walk all the under-arrest government officials across the city, because they completely forgot to call a cab.
that’s all the fun Russian things I got now.